


Pathomania

by didsomeonesayventus



Category: Kingdom Hearts
Genre: Angst, Identity Issues, Other
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-07-19
Updated: 2015-07-19
Packaged: 2018-04-10 04:12:08
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,694
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4376771
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/didsomeonesayventus/pseuds/didsomeonesayventus
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Felt like writing some snorts after seeing a fabulous rendition of the kid. Managed to get the right balance of unnervingly smiley but also a little mopey because his life is a train wreck.</p></blockquote>





	Pathomania

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Sonneur](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sonneur/gifts).



The silence between Riku and Kairi was mournful. It had been in these long weeks between the Exam and now. Or more precisely between losing Sora and now.

Riku had clammed up without Sora. He barely said anything anymore, and even if he earned the title of Master it was clear he felt more than undeserving of it. His movements were sure and calculated and as ever, but the uncertainty lingering was far from it. Kairi never thought he’d slip back into those self loathing habits, but here he was.

Then again they both didn’t think Sora would get lost in the darkness. Kairi really couldn’t blame Riku since he had to watch it himself. He’d been living and breathing to keep Sora alright this past year at least and he had failed in a way arguably worse than letting Sora die. 

She almost blamed herself for thinking that she could just play around on the islands and “get better” to surprise them both when they came back from the exam. Just sparring with Tidus and Wakka to try and get to their caliber so she could be a Keyblade Master as fast as she could. She was instead the surprised one when Riku came back looking half dead. For now she was trying to fill Sora’s place, acting as the cheap, off-brand glue for the Heroes of the Realm of Light. (It didn’t work as well if you weren’t always there, and she’d spent more than one night steaming over this and screaming into a pillow twice as thick as she was.)

Kairi shook her head and took the lead, “Come on, he’s gotta be here somewhere.” Riku returned to the head of their two-person pack with an indifferent grunt. Kairi went even with him, “Riku I can take care of myself.” His lips twitched at this, but then became their usual frown.

Kairi closed her eyes and began fussing with her Keyblade. She spun it idly in her hands, letting it dips and dance between them with imaginary figure eights. She just had to feel him. She knew Sora’s presence she could find it anywhere. What kind of person would she be if she couldn’t, anyways? She’d gotten closer to it than any of his friends by literally staying in it. All it was to her right now was this dim, distant light that kept flickering.

She opened her eyes when Riku suddenly shot ahead. She ran after, “Riku?! Riku what’s up?!”

“Saw something.” He replied.

Indeed, Kairi felt that light becoming clearer, but the flickering didn’t go away. “Sora?” She asked. 

Riku shrugged, “Black coat. It’s a coin toss.”

Kairi shook her head, “I think it’s him.”

Riku didn’t answer, instead firing a blizzaga spell and letting it shoot off farther ahead. There was a yell. A yell they very much recognized. “... Well, it IS him... Maybe...” Riku murmured. They caught up to watch the black-cloaked figure tugging at his ice-encased foot. He tugged, then, seeing that effort was fruitless, summoned a small flame to his finger and held it there. Riku held up his hand, and the ice grew thicker.

“Who are you?” Riku demanded.

The figure lifted his (they were both very sure this person was a young man) head. Huddled in the shadows was a face they missed more than anything. “Sora!” Kairi sighed with relief, “We’ve been looking everywhere for you!”

He flipped off his hood. Sora flipped off his hood. He shrugged his shoulders a little, “Funny, I’ve been avoiding you everywhere.”

Kairi looked at Riku. His expression was almost exactly like the storm that had thrown them into these adventures. She stepped forward, “Sora that isn’t-”

“Not really Sora anymore.” He cut her off with a bored, playful tone. He shrugged, “Not really Xehanort either. Just kinda here... Just kinda me...” At the mention of Xehanort Kairi finally noticed the cold gold of his eyes and the bags beneath them. Somewhat puffy and dark and narrow and overall a gaze that was uncannily... old, cruel, and the exact opposite of Sora.

“Call me... Snort.” He finally settled on a name.

Kairi choked on a snort herself, then laughed. “Snort?!” She couldn’t stop laughing, “Snort?! And you say you aren’t Sora!”

Snort looked rather unamused by this. As for Riku, well, he was Riku.

Kairi walked forward and extended her free hand, “Sora, come on. Come back.” Her faith in his heart still having a shred of his old self was admittedly pitiable, but Kairi knew Sora was tough and had a light almost as bright as her own. She rescued him from the darkness once, so she could do it again, couldn’t she?

Riku stopped her. He walked forward himself, though it was more to cover Kairi. “You’re... older.” He said softly.

Snort still had a terribly neutral expression. Narrow slits of gold and a straight mouth contemplatively chewing a cheek. Riku could see he wasn’t the younger version he had tramped through the Realm of Sleep with. He was more like his true age, if a little more shabby. The coat was too big, slacks making accordion folds at his knees and feet. His hair was usually a mess but this time it was an outright rat’s nest. Riku wasn’t sure if he was being paranoid or not, but Sora’s eyes looked uncomfortably swollen and red.

“Guess I am.” Snort finally said with a nonchalant shrug. He then grinned, and shivers went down Kairi and Riku’s spines. Something was wrong about that smile. Too much teeth (some of which were getting distinctly pointed); one eye winced shut too much or maybe both were too wide. “Not like you were much help to lil ol’ me then, huh?”

Riku winced deeply. He could remember that all too well. He- and everyone else -had told him it wasn’t his fault. He was pinned, there wasn’t much he could do but watch Mickey try and fail himself as a light shot out and struck his companion so hard that his comatose body jolted like a dead frog hooked up to a battery. The memory felt like an ugly scar that kept opening up to ooze out something that crippled him.

Snort continued on, “I mean, you keep saying you’re gonna protect me,” he paused to gesture to Kairi, “protect her, but you never really get around to it, do you? Pretty useless. I can’t get why they’d give you a title like ‘Keyblade Master’.” Snort’s voice began cracking with laughter, “Master Riku? More like Master Screw-up.”

Kairi quickly corrected Snort, trying to keep Riku’s morale in some loose sense of “okay”, “Riku! You know that’s not true! You’ve tried as hard as you could and have given up everything for us-”

“And yet when it mattered most you just sat there!” Snort pushed in the last word. 

He laughed. A wheezing, shrieking guffaw unlike anything Kairi and Riku had heard before. Part saturday morning cartoon villain, part Sora with his awkward puberty voice cracks, and 100% full of mockery and malice. But something wasn’t right with his expression. Eyebrows were too slanted and furrowed. The tears in his eyes weren’t ones of mirth.

When Snort settled back into his usual demeanor, he wiped at the tear streaks on his face. He then said, “Honestly, you’re more fragile than a spider's thread, Riku. Why did I ever think you were strong?” Kairi and Riku watched a few more tears making their way down Sora’s cheeks. They lurched forward when Snort began walking back; he had melted himself free without them realizing it.

“I should get going. I got darkness-stuff to do.” He paused in front of a corridor, “... I mean... I’m not gone yet. There’s this pestering, annoying little light that won’t go out.”

Kairi dashed forward, “Sora, it’s because you know that there’s one that will never go out! Even in the deepest darkness you’re still our Sora!”

She was left grasping at darkness.

...

Sora slammed the door to his room shut. He finally allowed himself a moment of control, a burst where he could try and be him. Once upon a time he likened it to jumping off a springboard and hoping to get out of this black hole. Now it just seemed like a struggle to have a moment where he was himself. Sora. Not Xehanort or the disturbing middle ground that was “Snort”.

He covered his face. Why did he say that? Why did he say any of that? They were thoughts and suddenly those thoughts were dripping from his lips as easily as something as innocuous as “the sky is raining today”.

Sora ran to the mirror, banging his fists against it, “LET ME GO!”

One eye- the golden eye not the blue one -glared back coldly. This was routine. It was only a matter of stamina, a waiting game where Sora would inevitably wear himself out enough to succumb to a more permanent sleep.

Sora weakly banged against the mirror some more, “Let me go! Quit making me hurt them!”

“Their pain is only what’s true.” He hissed.

“It’s not true! NONE OF IT IS!” He yelled.

“You’re all coddling each other-” He sighed.

“WE’RE SUPPORTING EACH OTHER!” He screeched.

“You won’t help them that way. I shall be sure of that.” He whispered.

“I HATE YOU! AND I’LL BE FREE ONE DAY! WITH THEIR HELP!” He screamed, finally shattering the mirror with his hand.

With a shudder, Sora slipped down the broken glass for a moment before stumbling back to his bed. There’d be a replacement mirror tomorrow. And the day after that. He hated mirrors. They spurred that parasite in him on. Made it too easy to exchange their choice words between them. The mirror would be back, all whole and new, and Sora would have to face himself yet again. He’d insist on stomping out his demons as best he could, and only wear himself out an inch more. Add another drop of water to make the stalactite in his heart stab a little deeper.

His frustrations ebbed into sleep, and he woke the next morning scoffing at himself.

**Author's Note:**

> Felt like writing some snorts after seeing a fabulous rendition of the kid. Managed to get the right balance of unnervingly smiley but also a little mopey because his life is a train wreck.


End file.
